


Ebb and Flow

by the_genderman



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Bucky Barnes Has Panic Attacks, Coitus Interruptus, Cuddling & Snuggling, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Masturbation, Naked Cuddling, Sexual Dysfunction, soft smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-07 09:26:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18407792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_genderman/pseuds/the_genderman
Summary: A soft pwp that doesn't quite end with the sex they'd planned, but they're managing.





	Ebb and Flow

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, as the tags suggest, Bucky does freak out while he and Steve are trying to have sex. I don't know if I'd classify it as a full-on panic attack, but he's definitely not entirely ok.

Bucky lays on his side, the bed impossibly soft under him. He faces Steve, sinking into his eyes, calm and gentle like a spring rainshower. He's got his hands up at his chest, the fingers of his right hand rubbing over the knuckles of his left, and one leg hitched up, curling around Steve's. Steve's hands are warm and familiar as one strokes gently, comfortingly, over his thigh. He's trying to relax, trying to convince his body that this is fine, that he _wants_ it, there's no reason to worry. Steve'll be as gentle as he needs, and it's nothing they haven't done before. Mind over matter, right? 

"Ready?" Steve asks with a smile.

Bucky inhales, holds the breath, then rolls onto his back, stretching his arms up over his head and linking his fingers. He exhales with a loud sigh of anticipation and turns his head to look at Steve again. "Yeah, I think I am."

"If you're not absolutely sure, we don't have to do this," Steve replies, pushing himself into a sitting position. "Don't let me push you into something you're not ready for."

"You're not pushing, don't worry," Bucky replies, sliding one foot up the bed, lifting his knee and making a space for Steve. "I need this, I want our sex life back, and it's just _frustrating_ how long it's taking. And I know what you're gonna say, everything takes time, but since when are _you_ the patient one?"

Steve grins at that statement. He rises up onto his knees and reaches over to the bedside table for the lube. Bucky watches as Steve slicks himself up slowly, giving him time to say no before they move further.

"You wanna do yourself or should I?" Steve asks, holding up the lube, offering it to Bucky.

"Hmm, I think _you_ should," Bucky says slowly, weighing the options. If he can let Steve open him up, then he can let Steve fuck him, right?

"Of course," Steve replies, his voice like velvet, warm and comforting. "Anything you need."

Bucky breathes deep and lifts his other leg, inviting Steve in. He's only half hard, but Steve knows by now not to take his cock as the gospel truth. It's temperamental, sometimes responding to his desires, sometimes not. Steve scoots in, kneeling reverently between Bucky's legs. He places one hand on Bucky's knee and gives it a reassuring squeeze. His other hand cups one buttock as his first two fingers find their way to Bucky's hole. Steve murmurs assurances, little words and phrases of support. The syllables flit in and out of Bucky's focus, but he appreciates them and the safety net they're weaving around him. He watches Steve, watches the face he knew in his heart in the depths of his frozen sleep, keeping his breathing steady. Steve's fingers make little circles, easing him open slowly, gently, until they slip in like they belong, like they've always belonged. He breathes. Feels. Steve's fingers push in deeper, twisting and scissoring. Bucky moans a little as Steve rubs against his prostate. Not trying to find it, just an incidental contact that lights him up with both pleasure and a twinge of fear.

"Still doing ok?" Steve asks, slowing but not stopping.

"Yeah," Bucky responds, briefly squeezing his eyes shut. "Do you think you could get your cock in me now?"

"That was enough?" Steve asks, a touch of skepticism in his words.

"No offense, but—" Bucky says, his words interrupted by an involuntary gasp. Steve's fingers still. "—you're not so big it's gonna hurt me, and I need you _now_ before I change my mind."

"Of course," Steve nods. He pulls his fingers out and leans in to kiss Bucky, body covering him.

Bucky melts into the kiss. He unlinks his fingers and slips one hand to the back of Steve's head, running his fingers through his hair. Steve's body covers him, not heavy, not smothering, not blanketing him under. He's an umbrella, a shield, protection against the elements, but still allowing him room to breathe, space to find himself.

Parting reluctantly, Steve asks "Ready?" and waits.

"Ready," Bucky says, hiking his legs up higher, opening himself wider, body and soul, to his lover.

Bucky grunts and clenches his teeth as Steve presses the head of his cock against his hole. He hears the slick, wet sound of Steve pushing into his body, hears his own pulse in his ears. It's _Steve_ , it's Steve, his lover, his best friend, it's Steve. Steve who's doing this for him. Steve who loves him unconditionally, gently, furiously, with and in every fiber of his body. He chokes out a moan-sob as Steve fills him and thrusts into him. He feels everything and nothing all at once. His cock goes soft again, overwhelmed with conflicting feelings.

"Alright, stop, _stop_ , I can't—" Bucky gasps out, putting his arms between himself and Steve, pushing at Steve's chest.

Steve stops immediately, pulling out as quickly as he can without hurting Bucky. His face is soft with concern; Bucky can't meet his eyes, can't look at him. Steve lays down next to him, close without touching, not until Bucky says he can.

"Hey," Steve says with such tender feeling it makes Bucky's stomach flip. 

Bucky rolls onto his side to face Steve, but keeps his eyes down. Steve's still hard, but his focus is on Bucky, on Bucky's needs, not his wants.

"I'll be fine," Bucky mumbles, lifting a hand to Steve's cheek. "I'll be ok, if you want to take care of that."

"It's not important," Steve says, shaking his head. "Your well-being comes first."

Bucky gives a half-annoyed, half-amused snort. "Oh, go on. Watching you jerk off isn't gonna make me any worse. No reason _neither_ of us should get to get off tonight."

"Well, if you're sure," Steve replies, rolling onto his back, eyes still on Bucky. His right hand slips down to his cock and begins to tug slowly at the shaft.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I wanna watch you enjoy yourself, ok?" Bucky says, propping himself up on his elbow. He watches as Steve's eyes flutter shut and his lips part as he pushes his head back into the mattress. He focuses on Steve, focuses on Steve's pleasure. Steve is relaxed, easy; he radiates passion and trust as he jerks his cock faster, precome dribbling over his fingers. Bucky watches Steve's chest rise and fall, breathing deep and heavy as he chases his orgasm, soft moans escaping him. Bucky's cock gives a little twitch, then stills again. He blinks away the fleeting feeling of inadequacy. Just because he's not ready _yet_ , doesn't mean he'll _never_ be ready. He'll get there someday, and Steve'll be right there with him.

Steve comes with a quiet intensity. His orgasm is barely a whisper on his lips, but his body shudders with pleasure as his cock spurts, streaking his chest all the way up to his collarbones. Bucky smiles to himself. Everything he's been through, everything he's done or had done to him, he still gets to see Steve like this. Steve sees him, knows him, loves him, embraces him, helps him grow and heal at his own pace.

"You stay there, I'll be right back," Bucky says, leaning over and pressing a quick kiss to Steve's forehead as he catches his breath. He scoots off the bed, stretching his whole body as he crosses the room to get the baby wipes. He smirks as he hears Steve give a little hum of appreciation.

Bucky returns to the bed and sits down next to Steve. Steve lifts his hand, offering it to him. Bucky takes Steve's hand and kisses it like the protagonist of a regency romance before tenderly wiping the lube and come off. He cleans Steve's chest and stomach with long, slow swipes, feeling the topography of his body. When he's done, he snuggles up against Steve's side, pillowing his head and hands on Steve's chest, feeling his heartbeat. Steve's arms wrap around him, his fingers comb through his hair, slow and calm. They don't need words now, just closeness, the fit of two bodies aching to know softness and finding it in each other.


End file.
